How to Make Your Relationship Soar and What to do if Doesn’t
Let’s start out with some basic pointers for better relationships.
- Be open-minded—don’t assume their perceptions are the same as yours.
- Exemplify the behavior you want to see in others. For example, don’t pretend or act in a way that isn’t authentic. Express your emotions openly, be patient, kind and empathetic, and always apologize for your mistakes.
- Validate feelings, no matter how insignificant they may seem, and give the other person the space to process their emotions.
- Develop in yourself and encourage in others the growth of self-knowledge.
These ideas are valuable to the health and success of any relationship. But nothing makes the heart and mind soar as much as expansion—new awakenings, new cognitions of deeper truths. So a relationship is also about encouraging each other to reach new heights in life, both inwardly and outwardly. Spiritual growth and sharing a way to connect with universal truths or deeper realities of life are catalysts for meaningful relationships.
In reality, everyone relates to their own nature. Take the example of a bird and tree—their relationship seems apparent on the surface when the bird lands on the branch, but on a deeper level, the bird relates to its own nature to fly and sit while the tree relates to its own nature to raise and spread its branches. Their compatibility is based on their individual natures, which are unhampered in their expression.
In the case of humans, expression of our inner nature is obstructed. Accumulation of stress in the nervous system impairs our functioning physically, mentally and emotionally. When we’re stressed, then our innermost nature is obscured in our own life, like clouds covering a blue sky. This is why relationships improve so obviously when one practices the Transcendental Meditation technique, which effectively reduces deep long-held stress and protects us from accumulating more stress.
With less stress, our thoughts and emotions are more clear and unfettered—more authentic—expressing who we really are as an individual. If we tend to be naturally effusive or withdrawn, animated or still, curious or incurious, it doesn’t matter as long as it is natural, not contrived, not based on cloudy thinking and feelings.
Compatibility
For example if our loved one isn’t effusive but we are, then it’s good to see if the relationship thrives or suffers from that—if we are compatible or not.
We each, being ourselves, act in accord with our own nature, and then either the relationship works or doesn’t. It doesn’t mean we don’t love each other when we’re not compatible. It’s just not a good day-to-day workable partnership. If we’re not in tune with our own inner nature, and instead we behave as we think we should—instead of behaving naturally and spontaneously—then we’ll be uncomfortable or even unhappy together. Staying together can be unhealthier than being apart. It may be very disappointing to separate, but staying together could create ongoing disappointments. As the saying goes, a fish and a bird may love each other but where would they live?
If it’s painful to be apart from the loved one, the process of transcending during the TM technique will cultivate inner happiness, which is a strong foundation for flowing with love. It’s the stopping of the flow of love that is actually what is painful in the heart. This is very important. Loving isn’t a rational phenomenon, it’s an innocent expression of unity and no drop of precious love is ever wasted. An expanded state of heart flows with more love and, in turn, it expands one’s heart to love.
When stress and fatigue are diminished, awareness is settled and expansive, and happiness abides from the TM practice, finer feelings of love and appreciation are livelier in the heart. This allows us to spontaneously love those around us, even if they have acted wrongly and don’t expect our love. The power of love deepens our connections and infuses us with eternity.
“One wants to remain tender in the strength of love. The strength of love makes one tender and firm, makes one weak in wrong and powerful in right, brings forgiveness in authority and grace in all fields of life.”
— Maharishi
Learn to soar: Contact a nearby certified TM teacher
About the Author
Janet Hoffman is the executive director of TM for Women Professionals, a division of TM for Women in the USA
